Time It Was, And What A Time It Was.

The moment I realized I hated who I was, I was lying alone on a couch, in an unfamiliar room, in an 

unfamiliar house. The two girls and the boy had gone to get something to eat in the next room. I lay 

there feeling cold, feeling the absence of his body next to mine, feeling more alone than I had. 

Thinking to myself "who am I?" As tears went down my face and I stared at that white door with the 

gold handle and the half moon shaped window with clouded glass. Staring at the ceiling silently 

praying and begging for help. I can still remember staring at that door. Realizing if I walked out, the 

wrong people would follow me. Or they wouldn't come at all. I was too alone. Earlier as I sat on the 

opposite side of the couch, next to the boy, the two girls facing us got up and went into the next room. 

I don't remember him asking but I do remember myself crawling to him, wanting for one moment to 

feel like I belonged somewhere. To feel safe. His words still ring in my ears "someone's eager" as I 

giggled thinking he would believe I was cute. Only later to be left crying on the couch, wondering 

why I let myself down. The boy would send me his pointless texts and I would respond the way I 

thought he would like. The moment I left for a few days I realized I was replaced. I was alone. I was 

a mess. I was so lost because for once in my life I felt abandoned, abandoned by my best friend, 

abandoned by the nameless boy, abandoned by my actual self, not realizing that my family was only a 

step away. I can still remember the moment I wished I had done something different with the people I 

met, how I treated them, and how I expected to be treated as a result. I remember the day I saw a little 

bit of light, something the slightest bit good, and I grabbed it, and I held onto it, and I watched it 

grow, and I watched myself grow, and I noticed that I wasn't so alone anymore.